No running, ducking or petting

I'm doing something slightly odd today. Well saying that I suppose it's something that I regard to be slightly odd. Others may treat it as the absolute norm. Americans I'm sure probably do it at least twice a day and most will say I should have done it years ago.

You see I kind of see myself as the human equivalent of my old VHS recorder. I know what it does, I know what it's for, I even know how to make it work without accidentally recording Songs of Praise but I always get the feeling I've never got all the functions. That would involve reading the instruction manual and as we all know real men never ever do that. So - how to get the most out of the old Cuthill VCR? Are you sat down? Are you ready? Please don't laugh.

I am going to see a life coach. As opposed to a life guard.

I have know idea whether it will make the slightest difference as I've pressing any old buttons for the past 36+ years and why I'd suddenly want an instruction manual is beyond me. Perhaps it's just my age. Again quite what a life coach does I have no idea but I'm about to find out. I'm hoping they're the thinking equivalent of a cold sponge and half time piece of orange. If not then we're all in trouble.

Of course I've got all my family and friends and colleagues to talk to but there's something quite appealing about hearing from someone who has absolutely nothing to do with you. The shopping equivalent of asking a complete stranger if your bum looks big in this? I will tell you how big my bum is when I find out tonight.

Elsewhere have decided what to cook the Crocker when she comes round. It's a totally goats cheese and pine nuts affair which Gordon Ramsay promises is quick, easy and edible. Football last night was rubbish - the words barn, door and can't featured quite heavily but an honourable 2-2 draw left everyone happy.

Oh - and I really must finish painting the kitchen ceiling.

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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website.