Boscombe here we come!

This time next week we'll be on the beach AND getting paid for it. Ok - so it probably won't be the breeze it sounds but it definitely makes a change from the studio. We've got the big red bus and we'll be heading down early doors to lay out our towels. Am attempting to get the whole team into wetsuits for a surf session.

So far they all seem remarkably keen. That may change as we get closer to the day but I'll definitely be going in for a go come rain or shine.

Good news - the little orange light has gone off on the Blue Peril. Am working on the theory that if it's gone out it couldn't have been that serious. Either that or it's so serious the warning bulb has burned itself out attempting to alert me. Mind you I would expect that any decent car would have a warning light to warn you that the original warning light has gone out. No more lights have come on so I'm assuming I'm fine. And that's what I'll repeat to myself when I'm stuck on the hard shoulder of the M27 with my bonnet up and 4 litres of Castrol on the floor.

Have been negating my blogging duties - not because I've been up to mischief but I seem to be short on time all of a sudden. I mean it's not like I've begun living a jet set life of constant holidays and parties - I seriously think either someone is sat on the fast forward button or, more likely, am slowing up and have started thinking snoozing on the sofa is a good idea.

Unfortunately once you have a couple you can't stop yourself. Am worried next time I wake up it'll be 2009.

The year as opposed to 10 past eight ish.

So here's the joke ... (best one from last week)

A remote monastery was home to an order of monks who communicated with each other only by chanting. Every morning they would assemble in the chapel and the abbot would chant.

"Good morning assembled brethren."

And the monks would dutifully reply, "Good morning Father Abbot."

But one morning a maverick monk instead chanted "Good evening, father abbot."

The abbot glared at the monks and proclaimed, "Someone chanted evening!"

Remember me?

It's been sooo long? Hope you're good and enjoying the sunshine.

Had a lurvely week off - spent a few days in Croyde surfing - just me, chillin' out, eat, surf, sleep, repeat etc. And then of course we all went up to Croydon at the weekend for producer Lewis & Cat's wedding. Beautiful day, beautiful couple and the beer was pretty good too.

So all round life is pretty good at the moment. The only slight downer is an engine light which has come on on the Blue Peril. Had to stop in Exeter on the way home from Devon to get it checked out. Luckily it's nothing critical but it needs to be sorted. The people at the garage were truly lovely - kept me supplied with coffee and tea whilst the mechanic looked at it - but it did end up costing 65 quid just to tell me why the bulb was lit. Not to fix it - just to say "Yup - the bulb's on." I kind of knew that already.

Anyway am starting to think the light is simply to remind me to spend money on the car and has come on because it's been at least a couple of months with nothing going wrong. Am fairly sure all cars are fitted with a similar device.

You wouldn't get that on a camper.

So here's the joke ...

A man went into a pet shop and said to the owner, I'd like to buy a pet that is out of the ordinary - unusual. The pet shop owner replied, well, I have one Rairy-bird left... The man said, I've never even heard of a Rairy-bird, that certainly makes it unusual, I'll take it!

So the man brought home his new Rairy-bird and soon found out that it had a huge appetite! It was always hungry!!

Finally, the Rairy-bird was so big and fat that it wouldn't fit inside the house anymore, much less the cage! The man said to himself: I've got to get rid of this animal-I can't afford to feed it! So he rented a huge dump truck, put the Rairy-bird into the back, and drove to the edge of a high cliff.
He then dumped the Rairy-bird out of the truck and over the cliff!!

Thinking that all his troubles were over, the man was driving home when he suddenly heard this singing coming from the back of the dump- truck ...

"It's a long way to tip a Rairy."

I can't breathe ....

... from laughing.

Have just watched the film footage of the roller coaster ice cream incident of Wednesday 16th July 2008. Possibly the funniest thing I've seen this year and if you watch very closely there was definitely some skulduggery going on in a couple of the turns.

For some really boring reason I can't go into I can't stick the film up on the blog but keep an eye out for it on the web or Facebook group as it may well turn up.

Anyway I hope it hasn't been too long since you had one of those moments when your capacity to draw breath is severely compromised by laughing too hard.

Medically risky but man it feels so good.

So to the joke ...

A ghost loses the tail of his sheet in a revolving door and goes to an off-licence to get a new one.

'Sorry', says the man behind the counter. 'We don't sell tails and we don't serve ghosts.'

The ghost replies.

'That's not true. The sign in the window says you retail spirits.'

Football crazy

Monday night = football night, of course.

Nearly a full turn out from the boys and a debut appearance from Producer Lewis. Unfortunately for all of us he fluked a wonder goal from, I would say, about 20 yards out. No sooner had the ball hit the back of the net than the length of strike had increased to 25 yards. By this morning it was a 30 yarder and as a write it's a 50 yard dipping shot struck with the outside of his boot on his laces.

Don't believe a word of it. It was a tap in.

One thought re: football. You're guaranteed to hear someone shouting "Keep it simple, lads." I mean it's not like it's altogether that complex in the first place, is it? Kick ball in goal. Er .. that's it.

You never hear the rousing shout "Let's complicate it, boys" or "I think we've just got the right balance between straight forward and intricate, lads."

Perhaps it's just me.

A camping store was holding a Christmas sale and the manager put the young English Literature student, who had a holiday job there, in charge of thinking up a suitable slogan ....

And so - that's how the slogan was born ..... "Now is the offer of our discount tents."

Back to work for a rest

Happy Monday people.

I have another theory to run by you as management executives might say.

Weekends last longer if you do more. Now you may be thinking the opposite. If you're running around like a blue thingied wotsit you might be under the impression it will positively zip by but I can assure you you're wrong.

The more you do the longer it feels. Fact.

I've just had one of those weekends. I actually don't think it would have been humanly possible to do anything else even if I tried. It was bloomin' marvellous and I even saw Lewis Hamilton too. Of course right now I can hardly stay awake, feel like I've peaked far too early and am off for an early night.

Roll on the weekend.

So here's the joke ...

Four men are in a boat. They decide to have a smoke, but discover no one has any matches...
After spending five minutes deciding on what they could do, one of the men comes up with a solution and throws a cigarette into the sea.

Another man turns to him and says "Why did you do that for?"

"Ah," says the man. "I've made the boat a cigarette lighter."

The joys of fish finger sandwiches

It's been a bit of a full on week this week but all work wise so nothing hugely interesting to report back sadly. Can't decide whether it's a good or a bad sign but yesterday evening when I got in I promptly passed out on the sofa fast asleep whilst still wearing my coat/jacket.

I didn't wake up until about 9.30pm at which point I stumbled into the kitchen, put my head in the fridge and decided what I really fancied at that moment in time was a toasted fish finger sandwich with mayo and black pepper. Bizarre. I have no idea where that thought came from but I went with it and promptly loaded 6 fish fingers onto the grill and armed the toaster with a couple of rounds of bread.

Once that was on the go it was then a case of which beverage best accompanies the mighty fish finger sandwich ... traditionally tea - but that gives it too much of a breakfast feel for half past nine at night. Wine perhaps was too sophisticated and I was clean out of beer.

And so it was at 9.43pm on Thursday night I found myself sipping organic cider in between mouthfuls of a slightly over toasted fish finger sandwich.

I may have discovered a taste sensation.

You read it here first ....

So here are the jokes (sorry I missed yesterday's)

Harry wants to get married but can't find a girl his mother approves of. To solve this dilemma a friend suggests that he looks for a girl just like his mother, so he does. He finds a woman who looks like her, dresses like her, and talks like her. Then he takes her home to meet his parents.

"How did it go?" asks the friend.

"Awful," say Harry. "My dad can't stand the woman."

And .......

Two herrings , Cain and Abel, were regular visitors to a bar. One day, Cain showed up alone and the bartender asked: "Where's your brother?"

"How should I know?" said Cain. "Am I my brothers kipper?"

I'm bored/board .....

... of losing at stupid board games.

Last night was not a good night for me. Went round to Producer Al's for dinner and somewhat inevitably it was suggested the old board games should be dusted down and given a whirl. Now I'm not complaining but surely the guests should be allowed to choose which game is played? As a result I found myself playing an updated version of snakes and ladders involving space rockets and exploding supernovas (apparently it's what Al's kids are into), a small child's Lego building game and that 1970's classic - Perfection.

Red wine has a lot to answer for.

It started badly. Really badly. My cardboard space ship was quickly sucked into a black hole never to be seen again. Never mind I thought - I'm pretty good at Lego. However it soon becomes apparent I'm not good at throwing dice, collecting cards and playing Lego. This game is for kids ages 3 and up - I'm 37.

As for Perfection - it was anything but and the rest of the evening was spent scrabbling about trying to find the plastic shapes that had been ejected from the 1970's classic because I was too slow.

Rubbish.

Give me Operation anytime.

So here's the joke ...

Two Eskimos were paddling their kayak along the Alaskan coast. The temperatures were so freezing that even beneath their layers of clothing the Eskimos started to feel the cold. In a desperate attempt to keep warm they lit a fire - but the wooden kayak went up in flames and the Eskimos were never seen again ....

The moral of the story is you can't have your kayak and heat it.