There I was getting all healthy and credit crunch savvy. My big plan - to save millions of pounds in petrol per week and cycle in to work. Granted it's only about 3 miles but I figured that's got to save something (especially with current fuel prices) and also give the creaky old knees a work out.
It's a win win situation.
Well - it would have been if I hadn't suffered from a wonky wheel. Am fairly sure Lance Armstrong gets it from time to time. For no reason I can figure my back wheel has decided that straight and upright is a bad thing and that loose and wonky is better. I felt a bit like Bonzo the Clown - all I needed was a squirting flower, a big pair of tartan trousers and some size 18 shoes. In the end I had to get off due to the embarrassing squeaks and scrapes and the fact I was scaring small children and animals. Strangely it's a longer walk than it is a cycle.
The greater worry is that it was the back wheel which would imply it was somewhat overloaded. Quite with what I couldn't imagine - however I'm starting to get the message.
Diet, anyone?
So here's the joke ...
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "It was the day after I got me hook."
========================
Here's the answer to today's Mental Maths. Check it out on the show weekdays at 11.15am. Lots of people got it right today. But not everyone. Here's the solution.
YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY IS ...
8
times 8
double it
take away 30
halve that
divided by 7
add 10
add 18
divided by 5
AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER .... 7
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Bin busy
Producer Alun has made a good point. You can never have too many bins.
I've just noticed I haven't got even near enough. Am taking this whole recycling business seriously now (my token effort to save the planet). But the problem is you appear to have to be ultra organised in order to prevent a global catastrophe of biblical proportions (that my be over egging the pudding slightly but never let facts get in the way of creative writing).
Anyway I no longer can just have a rubbish bin and a recycling bin - it doesn't work. That would be far too simple. I've worked out I need five bins. Rubbish, food waste, glass, newspaper and cardboard - oh and plastics - apart from of course yoghurt pots but that's another story. Anyway the problem is if I invest in five bins I will no longer be able to get in or out of the kitchen. I definitely won't be able to reach the switch for the boiler meaning that in my effort to save the planet I will have left the central heating on for a hundred years so melting both polar caps, running up a third world debt (gas ain't cheap) and ending mankind.
So technically the most environmentally friendly thing I can do is just to put it all in the same bin meaning that I'll be in total control of my radiator temperatures thus saving the planet.
Besides I can always just bury it all along with all that nuclear waste. I'm sure it'll be fine, won't it?
So here's the joke ...
A brown paper bag goes to his doctor feeling unwell. The doctor takes all sorts of samples and says to the bag to come next week. Next week comes and the doctor says, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news. We discovered from your tests that you've got an hereditary disorder."
"Really?" says the bag. "How can that be? I'm a brown paper bag."
"Ah yes," says the doctor. "But your mother was a carrier."
========================
And new from today here's the answer to today's Mental Maths. Check it out on the show weekdays at 11.15am. Lots of people got it wrong today. Here's the solution.
YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY IS ...
50
give me 3 fifths of that
50 percent of that
a third of that
divided by a half
double it
plus 1
times by a third
add that to the starting number
AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER ... (57)
I've just noticed I haven't got even near enough. Am taking this whole recycling business seriously now (my token effort to save the planet). But the problem is you appear to have to be ultra organised in order to prevent a global catastrophe of biblical proportions (that my be over egging the pudding slightly but never let facts get in the way of creative writing).
Anyway I no longer can just have a rubbish bin and a recycling bin - it doesn't work. That would be far too simple. I've worked out I need five bins. Rubbish, food waste, glass, newspaper and cardboard - oh and plastics - apart from of course yoghurt pots but that's another story. Anyway the problem is if I invest in five bins I will no longer be able to get in or out of the kitchen. I definitely won't be able to reach the switch for the boiler meaning that in my effort to save the planet I will have left the central heating on for a hundred years so melting both polar caps, running up a third world debt (gas ain't cheap) and ending mankind.
So technically the most environmentally friendly thing I can do is just to put it all in the same bin meaning that I'll be in total control of my radiator temperatures thus saving the planet.
Besides I can always just bury it all along with all that nuclear waste. I'm sure it'll be fine, won't it?
So here's the joke ...
A brown paper bag goes to his doctor feeling unwell. The doctor takes all sorts of samples and says to the bag to come next week. Next week comes and the doctor says, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news. We discovered from your tests that you've got an hereditary disorder."
"Really?" says the bag. "How can that be? I'm a brown paper bag."
"Ah yes," says the doctor. "But your mother was a carrier."
========================
And new from today here's the answer to today's Mental Maths. Check it out on the show weekdays at 11.15am. Lots of people got it wrong today. Here's the solution.
YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY IS ...
50
give me 3 fifths of that
50 percent of that
a third of that
divided by a half
double it
plus 1
times by a third
add that to the starting number
AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER ... (57)
Monday, 4 August 2008
Boscombe here we come!
This time next week we'll be on the beach AND getting paid for it. Ok - so it probably won't be the breeze it sounds but it definitely makes a change from the studio. We've got the big red bus and we'll be heading down early doors to lay out our towels. Am attempting to get the whole team into wetsuits for a surf session.
So far they all seem remarkably keen. That may change as we get closer to the day but I'll definitely be going in for a go come rain or shine.
Good news - the little orange light has gone off on the Blue Peril. Am working on the theory that if it's gone out it couldn't have been that serious. Either that or it's so serious the warning bulb has burned itself out attempting to alert me. Mind you I would expect that any decent car would have a warning light to warn you that the original warning light has gone out. No more lights have come on so I'm assuming I'm fine. And that's what I'll repeat to myself when I'm stuck on the hard shoulder of the M27 with my bonnet up and 4 litres of Castrol on the floor.
Have been negating my blogging duties - not because I've been up to mischief but I seem to be short on time all of a sudden. I mean it's not like I've begun living a jet set life of constant holidays and parties - I seriously think either someone is sat on the fast forward button or, more likely, am slowing up and have started thinking snoozing on the sofa is a good idea.
Unfortunately once you have a couple you can't stop yourself. Am worried next time I wake up it'll be 2009.
The year as opposed to 10 past eight ish.
So here's the joke ... (best one from last week)
A remote monastery was home to an order of monks who communicated with each other only by chanting. Every morning they would assemble in the chapel and the abbot would chant.
"Good morning assembled brethren."
And the monks would dutifully reply, "Good morning Father Abbot."
But one morning a maverick monk instead chanted "Good evening, father abbot."
The abbot glared at the monks and proclaimed, "Someone chanted evening!"
So far they all seem remarkably keen. That may change as we get closer to the day but I'll definitely be going in for a go come rain or shine.
Good news - the little orange light has gone off on the Blue Peril. Am working on the theory that if it's gone out it couldn't have been that serious. Either that or it's so serious the warning bulb has burned itself out attempting to alert me. Mind you I would expect that any decent car would have a warning light to warn you that the original warning light has gone out. No more lights have come on so I'm assuming I'm fine. And that's what I'll repeat to myself when I'm stuck on the hard shoulder of the M27 with my bonnet up and 4 litres of Castrol on the floor.
Have been negating my blogging duties - not because I've been up to mischief but I seem to be short on time all of a sudden. I mean it's not like I've begun living a jet set life of constant holidays and parties - I seriously think either someone is sat on the fast forward button or, more likely, am slowing up and have started thinking snoozing on the sofa is a good idea.
Unfortunately once you have a couple you can't stop yourself. Am worried next time I wake up it'll be 2009.
The year as opposed to 10 past eight ish.
So here's the joke ... (best one from last week)
A remote monastery was home to an order of monks who communicated with each other only by chanting. Every morning they would assemble in the chapel and the abbot would chant.
"Good morning assembled brethren."
And the monks would dutifully reply, "Good morning Father Abbot."
But one morning a maverick monk instead chanted "Good evening, father abbot."
The abbot glared at the monks and proclaimed, "Someone chanted evening!"
Monday, 28 July 2008
Remember me?
It's been sooo long? Hope you're good and enjoying the sunshine.
Had a lurvely week off - spent a few days in Croyde surfing - just me, chillin' out, eat, surf, sleep, repeat etc. And then of course we all went up to Croydon at the weekend for producer Lewis & Cat's wedding. Beautiful day, beautiful couple and the beer was pretty good too.
So all round life is pretty good at the moment. The only slight downer is an engine light which has come on on the Blue Peril. Had to stop in Exeter on the way home from Devon to get it checked out. Luckily it's nothing critical but it needs to be sorted. The people at the garage were truly lovely - kept me supplied with coffee and tea whilst the mechanic looked at it - but it did end up costing 65 quid just to tell me why the bulb was lit. Not to fix it - just to say "Yup - the bulb's on." I kind of knew that already.
Anyway am starting to think the light is simply to remind me to spend money on the car and has come on because it's been at least a couple of months with nothing going wrong. Am fairly sure all cars are fitted with a similar device.
You wouldn't get that on a camper.
So here's the joke ...
A man went into a pet shop and said to the owner, I'd like to buy a pet that is out of the ordinary - unusual. The pet shop owner replied, well, I have one Rairy-bird left... The man said, I've never even heard of a Rairy-bird, that certainly makes it unusual, I'll take it!
So the man brought home his new Rairy-bird and soon found out that it had a huge appetite! It was always hungry!!
Finally, the Rairy-bird was so big and fat that it wouldn't fit inside the house anymore, much less the cage! The man said to himself: I've got to get rid of this animal-I can't afford to feed it! So he rented a huge dump truck, put the Rairy-bird into the back, and drove to the edge of a high cliff.
He then dumped the Rairy-bird out of the truck and over the cliff!!
Thinking that all his troubles were over, the man was driving home when he suddenly heard this singing coming from the back of the dump- truck ...
"It's a long way to tip a Rairy."
Had a lurvely week off - spent a few days in Croyde surfing - just me, chillin' out, eat, surf, sleep, repeat etc. And then of course we all went up to Croydon at the weekend for producer Lewis & Cat's wedding. Beautiful day, beautiful couple and the beer was pretty good too.
So all round life is pretty good at the moment. The only slight downer is an engine light which has come on on the Blue Peril. Had to stop in Exeter on the way home from Devon to get it checked out. Luckily it's nothing critical but it needs to be sorted. The people at the garage were truly lovely - kept me supplied with coffee and tea whilst the mechanic looked at it - but it did end up costing 65 quid just to tell me why the bulb was lit. Not to fix it - just to say "Yup - the bulb's on." I kind of knew that already.
Anyway am starting to think the light is simply to remind me to spend money on the car and has come on because it's been at least a couple of months with nothing going wrong. Am fairly sure all cars are fitted with a similar device.
You wouldn't get that on a camper.
So here's the joke ...
A man went into a pet shop and said to the owner, I'd like to buy a pet that is out of the ordinary - unusual. The pet shop owner replied, well, I have one Rairy-bird left... The man said, I've never even heard of a Rairy-bird, that certainly makes it unusual, I'll take it!
So the man brought home his new Rairy-bird and soon found out that it had a huge appetite! It was always hungry!!
Finally, the Rairy-bird was so big and fat that it wouldn't fit inside the house anymore, much less the cage! The man said to himself: I've got to get rid of this animal-I can't afford to feed it! So he rented a huge dump truck, put the Rairy-bird into the back, and drove to the edge of a high cliff.
He then dumped the Rairy-bird out of the truck and over the cliff!!
Thinking that all his troubles were over, the man was driving home when he suddenly heard this singing coming from the back of the dump- truck ...
"It's a long way to tip a Rairy."
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
I can't breathe ....
... from laughing.
Have just watched the film footage of the roller coaster ice cream incident of Wednesday 16th July 2008. Possibly the funniest thing I've seen this year and if you watch very closely there was definitely some skulduggery going on in a couple of the turns.
For some really boring reason I can't go into I can't stick the film up on the blog but keep an eye out for it on the web or Facebook group as it may well turn up.
Anyway I hope it hasn't been too long since you had one of those moments when your capacity to draw breath is severely compromised by laughing too hard.
Medically risky but man it feels so good.
So to the joke ...
A ghost loses the tail of his sheet in a revolving door and goes to an off-licence to get a new one.
'Sorry', says the man behind the counter. 'We don't sell tails and we don't serve ghosts.'
The ghost replies.
'That's not true. The sign in the window says you retail spirits.'
Have just watched the film footage of the roller coaster ice cream incident of Wednesday 16th July 2008. Possibly the funniest thing I've seen this year and if you watch very closely there was definitely some skulduggery going on in a couple of the turns.
For some really boring reason I can't go into I can't stick the film up on the blog but keep an eye out for it on the web or Facebook group as it may well turn up.
Anyway I hope it hasn't been too long since you had one of those moments when your capacity to draw breath is severely compromised by laughing too hard.
Medically risky but man it feels so good.
So to the joke ...
A ghost loses the tail of his sheet in a revolving door and goes to an off-licence to get a new one.
'Sorry', says the man behind the counter. 'We don't sell tails and we don't serve ghosts.'
The ghost replies.
'That's not true. The sign in the window says you retail spirits.'
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Football crazy
Monday night = football night, of course.
Nearly a full turn out from the boys and a debut appearance from Producer Lewis. Unfortunately for all of us he fluked a wonder goal from, I would say, about 20 yards out. No sooner had the ball hit the back of the net than the length of strike had increased to 25 yards. By this morning it was a 30 yarder and as a write it's a 50 yard dipping shot struck with the outside of his boot on his laces.
Don't believe a word of it. It was a tap in.
One thought re: football. You're guaranteed to hear someone shouting "Keep it simple, lads." I mean it's not like it's altogether that complex in the first place, is it? Kick ball in goal. Er .. that's it.
You never hear the rousing shout "Let's complicate it, boys" or "I think we've just got the right balance between straight forward and intricate, lads."
Perhaps it's just me.
A camping store was holding a Christmas sale and the manager put the young English Literature student, who had a holiday job there, in charge of thinking up a suitable slogan ....
And so - that's how the slogan was born ..... "Now is the offer of our discount tents."
Nearly a full turn out from the boys and a debut appearance from Producer Lewis. Unfortunately for all of us he fluked a wonder goal from, I would say, about 20 yards out. No sooner had the ball hit the back of the net than the length of strike had increased to 25 yards. By this morning it was a 30 yarder and as a write it's a 50 yard dipping shot struck with the outside of his boot on his laces.
Don't believe a word of it. It was a tap in.
One thought re: football. You're guaranteed to hear someone shouting "Keep it simple, lads." I mean it's not like it's altogether that complex in the first place, is it? Kick ball in goal. Er .. that's it.
You never hear the rousing shout "Let's complicate it, boys" or "I think we've just got the right balance between straight forward and intricate, lads."
Perhaps it's just me.
A camping store was holding a Christmas sale and the manager put the young English Literature student, who had a holiday job there, in charge of thinking up a suitable slogan ....
And so - that's how the slogan was born ..... "Now is the offer of our discount tents."
Monday, 14 July 2008
Back to work for a rest
Happy Monday people.
I have another theory to run by you as management executives might say.
Weekends last longer if you do more. Now you may be thinking the opposite. If you're running around like a blue thingied wotsit you might be under the impression it will positively zip by but I can assure you you're wrong.
The more you do the longer it feels. Fact.
I've just had one of those weekends. I actually don't think it would have been humanly possible to do anything else even if I tried. It was bloomin' marvellous and I even saw Lewis Hamilton too. Of course right now I can hardly stay awake, feel like I've peaked far too early and am off for an early night.
Roll on the weekend.
So here's the joke ...
Four men are in a boat. They decide to have a smoke, but discover no one has any matches...
After spending five minutes deciding on what they could do, one of the men comes up with a solution and throws a cigarette into the sea.
Another man turns to him and says "Why did you do that for?"
"Ah," says the man. "I've made the boat a cigarette lighter."
I have another theory to run by you as management executives might say.
Weekends last longer if you do more. Now you may be thinking the opposite. If you're running around like a blue thingied wotsit you might be under the impression it will positively zip by but I can assure you you're wrong.
The more you do the longer it feels. Fact.
I've just had one of those weekends. I actually don't think it would have been humanly possible to do anything else even if I tried. It was bloomin' marvellous and I even saw Lewis Hamilton too. Of course right now I can hardly stay awake, feel like I've peaked far too early and am off for an early night.
Roll on the weekend.
So here's the joke ...
Four men are in a boat. They decide to have a smoke, but discover no one has any matches...
After spending five minutes deciding on what they could do, one of the men comes up with a solution and throws a cigarette into the sea.
Another man turns to him and says "Why did you do that for?"
"Ah," says the man. "I've made the boat a cigarette lighter."
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