Bedroom disaster

Was running around trying not to be late for Monday night's footie match in Winchester (which incidentally ended up a glorious 3-3 draw). Anyway rushed into the master bedroom in the west wing and whizzed the dimmer switch around to illuminate the boudoir.

Straight away I knew all was not right and so it was proven when I attempted to switch off the light to leave. The light would not turn off. At all. Despite numerous attempts of twisting, pushing, pulling and begging it to switch off it remained very much on.

And so it was four hours later that I found myself lying in bed in an extremely well lit bedroom attempting to go to sleep. Couldn't work out which fuse I should take out in the fuse box and all the bulbs were now nuclear hot and would melt even the sun itself.

All I'll say is I wouldn't recommend attempting a restful night under direct bulb light. My body clock has all gone to pot and currently I have no idea what time/day or even year it is. As I speak my bedroom remains very well lit. Apologies Al Gore.

Am off to B&Q after work today. It can't be that hard to change a switch, surely? Mind you if the traffic lights dim when you're driving home you'll know it was rather more complicated than I anticipated.

Well wear my marigolds and rubber wellies.

So here's the joke ...

An Elderly couple walk into a café. They order one beefburger, one portion of chips and one drink. The old man unwraps the beefburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife.

He then counts out the fries, divided them into two piles and placing one pile in front of his wife.
He takes a sip of the drink, then sets the cup down beside them. As he begins to eat his few bites of his beefburger, the people around start whispering: "That poor old couple- all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man begins to eat his chips a young man comes to the table. He offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they're just fine- they're just used to sharing everything. The other diners notice the old lady hasn't eaten a bite. She just sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking a sip of the drink.

Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman says: "No thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

As the old man finishes and wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little lady and asks: "May I ask what you are waiting for?"

"The teeth."
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And onto Mental Maths. Here is today's puzzle. Again quite straight forward but under pressure quite a few fell at a rather awkward subtraction hurdle ...

YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY IS .... 17

plus 14
times 4
divided by 2
take off 44
divided by 6
add 9
three quarters of that
times 3

AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER ... 27