Tuesday, 2 September 2008

For heaven's sake ...

.. I am 37 years old and I am still rubbish at anything involving a spanner and or torque wrench. How can this happen? Was there a day I missed when all of a sudden, as a man, I wake up with the ability to strip anything in the dark (steady), grease, oil and reassemble?

Clearly that day has yet to happen as it is now nearly week 2 of the long running saga "Jon attempts to fix his bike."

Wow you're probably thinking - not surprised he's struggling - he'd need to be some sort of gifted mechanic to work on a motorbike .... If only - it happens that my push bike - yes the basic invention from the 1800's has developed a wonky wheel. However it also happens that the stupic invention from the 1800's has beaten me.

I've taken the rear wheel apart (easy), grease it up all (love the smell of tubs of grease) but am now struggling in the final - and some would say equally important part - of reassembling said rear wheel. It's got the stage now that it's too embarrassing to ask any more people to help. My only solution so far is to learn how to do a front wheelie thus enabling me to continue to use said stupid, poorly thought out, ridiculously illogically manufactured bike.

Stupid bike. Stupid Jon.

You decide.

So here's the joke ...

Young James, moved to Lymington and bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey. The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

James replied, "Well, then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

James said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."

The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

James said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

James said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with James and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey ?"

James said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898.00.'"

The farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain?"

"Only the person who won. I have him his money back."

Mental Maths time and here's the solution to today's problem. Lots of right answers but a fair few in detention today. More Mental Maths tomorrow at 11.15am on the show.


times itself
take off 15
divided by 7
plus 16
times 3
take off 30
divided by 3
times 4


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