I must admit I did slightly squint for a moment at around about 8.30am when the world was supposed to have ended. Shoddy time keeping by the world's leading scientists meant I did look like I was about to sneeze for a good 4 or 5 minutes.
Just thought if the world was going to end when they switched on their proton collider thingy (I gave up science early) it might smart a bit and somehow by squinting it would lessen the effect. (Note: I do it a lot - the whole something's about to hurt so squint a bit - it's kind of my natural anaesthetic - particularly for the removal of plasters).
Anyway turns out the world didn't end and more to the point turns out they weren't even doing the colliding stuff just sending a few protons round the block as a bit of a warm up. The real thing isn't happening until October.
More sleepless nights.
Perhaps I'll combine the End of the World Part II with the removal of a plaster.
So here's the joke ...
Doris was a little tinker. Young beyond her years she goes to live in an old people's home.
It all seems a little boring so she decides to liven things up. Doris proceeds to run up and down the halls in the nursing home. As she goes, she flips up the hem of her nightgown and says "Supersex...".
There'd she go - up and down the corridors flipping her hem - "Superersex, supersex, supersex ...."
She walks up to an elderly man in a comfy day chair flipping her gown at him.
"Supersex, " she says ...
The old man sits there silently for a moment or two lost deep in thought ..... Finally he replies ....
"I think I'll take the soup ...."
Mental Maths and a bumper batch of homework handed in. The window cleaners of Gosport and Lymington are slugging it out. New rival carpet fitters and posties have joined the fray.
YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY IS ... 9
divide by 3
take off 11
divided by 5
AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER ... 24