OK so here's the deal.
I am pretty rubbish at the whole getting up kind of thing. Now I'm sure there are some people who on only the second ping of their alarm clock are already out of bed, showering, having breakfast and chomping at the bit to get on with their day.
I on the other hand take a slightly more considered approach. And this is the problem.
The snooze button.
Snooze buttons ruin lives. It's a fact.
Don't be fooled into thinking you'll get more precious sleep by repeatedly hitting that button. You are just kidding yourself. Yes, technically you are in bed, but you will find yourself in a bewildering world of sleep and no sleep. It's the sleep equivalent of having a warm can of coke on a hot summers day. You know you've just taken liquid on board but somehow it didn't seem to quench your thirst.
Every five minutes bang! your arm's flapping like a giant beached tuna attempting to hit that button to send you back to a sleepless oblivion. Every five minutes you're snapped back to reality with a shudder trying to remember where you are and possibly more to the point who you are.
My theory is for every five minute snooze you take you lose what feels like an hour of regular sleep. All I'm saying is I hit that button so many times this morning it feels like I haven't slept for days.
Am starting a campaign group. Join me.
So here's the joke ...
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel, let alone the massive environmental impact!! No, think of another wish."
The man said OK , "I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know how to make them truly happy."
"About that bridge," says the genie. "How many lanes do you want. Two or four?"
Mental Maths time and today's question caught a few of you out. Remember it's all done in your head - no writing anything down. See if you arrive at the correct answer.
YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY IS .... 56
take off 29
divided by 3
reverse the digits
swap em back
divided by 4
AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL NUMBER .... 12