And they're orf ...

OK - so after the whole "if it's not cruel why do the jockeys have whips?" thing was out of the way I did actually enjoy it. What helped was the fact is was a beautiful day and Goodwood on a beautiful day is truly spectacular. And a beautiful day is always helped by a beautiful pint. Everything in moderation, of course.

Granted I came away down on the day but I'd like to think that was a protest at the whipping however it was actually due to my complete lack of knowledge and experimental betting system.

Now whilst some people may rely on form, gate and condition of the horse I decided to judge where my money should go purely on the stable girl leading the nag around the paddock. At this point I have to admit to having to seek permission from Jemma for my rather unique way of picking my bets however once successfully negotiated it proved a very entertaining method.

There were a couple of misunderstandings at my comments about the state of backsides, legs and teeth however for legal reasons I have to point out in each case I was actually talking about the horse itself.

Anyway to cut a very long and uninteresting story short it didn't work. This may come as a shock to but if you don't look at the actual horse you're betting on you're more than likely not to win.

I did win 16 quid on an each way bet which came in third.

It had lovely legs.

(The horse)

So here's the joke ...

Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach.

The girl lobster suggested that the boy lobster go get them an ice cream cone.

Having purchased two cones, Mr Lobster made his way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat his ice cream. By the time he had finished the ice cream, he realised that his girlfriend's had started to melt all down his claw, so he licked it up and ended up eating it too.

When he arrived back at the beach Ms Lobster exclaimed "Where's my ice cream cone?

"Well", he said. "I decided to eat mine, then yours melted so I ate that too."

Mrs Lobster was incensed.

"You shellfish bugger."

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Mental Maths and all fairly straight forward today. Bumper turn out for the maths lesson but a few of you slipped up so here's the problem.

YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY IS .... 7

plus 27
take off 17
add 34
double it
minus 40
halve it
take off 6
divided by 5

AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER ... 5