The one I couldn't read ...

Here's the email which caused me so many problems today.

"Hi Jon,

Not wanting to offend your lovely lady caller Nora but she reminded me of this story. I don't think you'll be able to, and in fact I hope you don't read this out - just one to share with you and the crew.

Several years ago when my Mum was in hospital the patient in the next bed to her was a lovely lady called Nora.

On one ocassion when i was visiting, Nora wasn't in her bed - she'd gone for an xray or something. Anyway I was at the bottom of the bed massaging Mum's feet (I'm a reflexologist) when I happened to glance up and notice Nora's name board above her bed. I took a double take and thought "no that doesn't say Cook " and started to giggle. Mum asked what I was laughing at and i said "do you know what Nora's surname is?- it's Cock!! "

Followed hysterical laughing and my Mum hoping Nora didn't come back too soon! My Mum at the time was in her 80's - God bless her she died a couple of years ago and I know will be horrified that I'm sharing this with you!"

Now can you see why I was laughing?! Truly brilliant.

So here's the joke ...

A man goes into a shop to buy his wife a present from their anniversary. He points out a bottle of perfume and asks how much.

"That's 50 pounds, sir," replies the assistant.

"Oh no - that's far too much - what about a smaller bottle?"

"That's 30 pounds, sir," says the assistant.

"No," says the man. "That's still way too much. What about that really tiny bottle there?"

"That's 15 pounds," says the assistant.

"No," says the man. "Still too much. I'd like to see something cheap."

So the assistant gives him a mirror.
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Here's the answer to today's Mental Maths. Check it out on the show weekdays at 11.15am.

YOUR STARTING NUMBER TODAY WAS ...
4
times 7
double it
divided by 7
add 23
times 3
take away 17
add 9
divided by 5

AND THAT'S YOUR FINAL ANSWER ... 17