An uncanny knack

I've had a particular talent since the age of six.

I know exactly how much food I have left without even counting or looking at it.

It all began with Pacer mints. Remember those? From the 1970's - spearmint and peppermint chews - one of my particular childhood favourites. Anyway off I'd go on a Friday afternoon or Saturday morning to spend my pocket money (can remember when it used to be 10p a week and I tell you what 10p would go a looong way back then). Burton Village stores used to get my trade and invariably packets of Pacers would be bought.

There'd I'd be happily chewing away - take one, unwrap it, packet back in pocket, sweet inserted into gob. And somehow, somewhere in my tiny brain I'd be keeping count. So if I went off and played Frisbee I'd know exactly how many I should still have - handy if you have two older brothers. I remember turning my bedroom upside down searching for the end of the packet because I knew I had a pacer left that I hadn't eaten. It took me hours (literally) with my mum telling me they'd all gone but I still knew there should be one left. And finally - after a lot of searching there it was - the single pacer in a rather dog eared looking packet.

It's a rare gift.

Anyway the reason I'm boring you with this is for the simple fact I know I have at least a quarter of a chocolate tarte currently waiting for me in my fridge.

Oh - and two fifths of a tub of vanilla ice cream in the freezer.

The weekend starts here ....

So here's the joke ...

A clown moved into an apartment block reserved solely for circus performers. He liked everything about the apartment. The kitchen was modern, the bedroom was comfortable and the lounge was spacious. And there were plenty of facilities - cooker, hoover, refrigerator, washing machine. The only thing that was missing was an ironing board, something on which he could press his circus uniform after washing it.

"Why is there no ironing board?" he asked the agent. "The lion tamer and the juggler have both got one."

"You use the window ledge, like the other clowns explained the agent - it's in your contract .... Every clown has a sill for ironing."