Ireland beckons

I've never been to Ireland.

It's a bit lame, isn't it? I mean it's not like it's on the other side of the earth but there it is on my list of "places I've been meaning to visit but have yet to get round to". So come the weekend Dublin it is.

Granted it may not quite be the cultural experience you might be hoping for (stag do) but at least I'll get a taste of it and for once and for all put to bed the question "Does Guiness taste better in Ireland?" (It's a boy thing but once any of your mates go to Ireland for the next five years every time you go down the pub they'll bang on about how a pint of the black stuff doesn't taste as good as it did over there ... yawn - although saying that come the weekend I may too become an Ireland bore).

Played footie last night up in Romsey. Scored a solid header to get the ball rolling so to speak and then spent the rest of the game forcing myself to run the length of the pitch. Only problem was by the time I got up to the box I was to knackered to score and spent most of the evening missing the perfectly sized goal right in front on me.

As for TP - I'm not even talking to him. I ran the entire length of the pitch into space (quite a feat for a 37 year only whose mid life crisis is fast approaching - see timer) only for him to totally ignore my efforts and pass the ball to their keeper. Well I can only assume it was a pass to save his complete embarrassment. A shot it was not. Stevo's legs gave up (both of them) so he retreated to goal. Tommy gave a solid midfield performance with his trademark blockbuster tackles. Put it this way - he's never going to play basketball - but it's like being hit by a wall (in a nice - non yellow card way). Another fine performance from team BBC.

Not that I'm obsessed but long range forecasts are showing some good surf for the weekend.

You'll have to tell me all about it though as I'll be tasting Irish hospitality.

Will stick the joke on tomorrow - am at home and can't quite remember it without looking at the show's scripts (yes - I know - I do sound a shambles but they do give me scripts sometimes).

It involved a larger lady, a toilet seat and a doctor but I don't want to ruin it.

Laters potatas.

So here's the joke ...


A woman had been advised by her doctor to go on a strict diet but she couldn't discipline herself and would spend most of the day raiding the fridge. As her weight ballooned, one day she got stuck on the lavatory seat. " Jim, Jim!" she called to her husband. " The lavatory seat's stuck to my bottom. Fetch the doctor!"

The husband asked the doctor to come round as soon as he could but didn't explain what the problem was. In the meantime, the husband managed to remove the seat from the toilet bowl but it was still wedged fast to his wife's backside. He suggested she go and kneel on the bed until the doctor arrived.

When the doctor showed up, the husband showed him straight into the bedroom where his wife was kneeling with her back to the door. "What do you think, doc?" asked the husband ...

"I think it's nice," replied the doctor, "but why such a cheap frame?"