Birthday cancelled

I've decided to skip my birthday.

My mum phoned me in a panic last night asking me what I'd like for the big day. I replied just a card would be wonderful but despite me being very nearly (with the emphasis on very) 37 my mum, bless her, is still putting in the same effort as she was some three decades ago in the days of her legendary chocolate clock birthday cake (an extravagent affair in which a pair of chocolate finger biscuits would point to the correct age. She did offer to switch to a 24 hour format when I turned thirteen. Even the 24 hour clock can't help me now)

"Wooden puffin?" was option number one.

"Book token? Seagull mobile? Cooking utensil?". The options were endless.

You can never accuse her of a lack of inventiveness in possible present selection stakes (wooden puffin is a new one for even a birthday veteran like me.)

Anyway after a lengthy conversation on the merits of wooden-fish-eating-birdlife I finally managed to convince her just a card would be super.

When I was 10 I remember counting down the months to my birthday and actually marking the days off on the calendar. Now, perhaps due to my age and slight man grumpiness, I actual find myself writing the day off on the calendar.

Oh how times have changed.

There's always next year.

So here's the joke ...

A couple lived in a remote country cottage with no electricity. The wife was about to give birth so they sent for the doctor. The husband waited at the foot of the stairs while the doctor went up to the wife using a candle to light his way. The husband heard a baby crying.

The doctor came down the stairs and said "You have a lovely healthy daughter".

He then lit another candle and went back up the stairs. The husband waited and heard another baby crying. The doctor came down again and said, "Congratulations, you have a lovely healthy son".

The doctor lit another candle and turned to go back up the stairs and the husband said,

"Better leave the candle with me, I think it's the light that's attracting them."
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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website.