Phones for who?

For the past three weeks I've been in mobile hell.

I know what you're going to say - we all managed perfectly well before they were invented ... we all managed to live busy and fulfilling lives without them ... we all used to take 10p out with us for emergencies and were never too far away from a phone box.

But the world has changed and when you've got a phone that's fighting back life can prove quite tricky.

It all began last month when texts began to mysteriously take their time to arrive. Messages came through at 2am in the morning telling me how exciting it was that it was 1-1 in the Hawks game at Anfield. Someone would say they're looking forward to catching up a day after we actually did. And twice I've been out with someone only to have my message that I was on my way arrive after I'd come.

Either I've discovered a tear in the space time continuum or, to use the scientific term, my phone's knackered. And the very thing you always thought you can do without you actually find out you can't.

I may have misheard the saying but .... I've started thinking about text every five seconds.

So here's the joke ....

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making lorry driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar.......

.... and just when I was thinking about putting an end to it all, you show up and drink my poison."
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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website