One year older but still no wiser

Had a really nice chilled out birthday although was feeling slightly woolly headed this morning due to an evening of birthday pubs and pool.

Decided to sort out official birthday shinanigans in a couple of weeks time when I'll attempt to get everyone in the same place at the same time and cook. It's starting to feel a bit like aligning the planets. Just when you think you've found a date everyone can do someone will pipe up that they can't get a babysitter or are off on holiday or have an urgent appointment washing their hair. There is a real danger I'll be celebrating my 38th by the time all the diaries match but at least I'm trying.

Picked the car up at the weekend and the scratch has gone (hurrah!). I think someone lovely at the garage must have taken pity on me and polished it out. Took the roof off and whizzed down to Dorchester to see the parents - although I have to say the weather wasn't quite as warm as it looked.

Still can't feel my hips.

Footie tonight - looking forward to sticking a couple past the boy Pascoe (TP) and Johnny Cantor and Steve Harris are turning out despite the forecast Siberian temperatures. And more rumblings of a tennis rematch on Thursday so a free take out is almost guaranteed.

Those girls just won't learn.

So here's the joke ...

A millionaire is out driving in his Rolls-Royce when he spots two men on the roadside eating handfuls of grass. The millionaire stops and asks them why.

"We don't have any money for food. Grass is all we can get," says one of the men.

"Then come along with me," says the millionaire. "I'll help you out".

"But I have a wife and two children," says the man.

"Bring them too. And bring your friend here", says the millionaire.

The second man replies, "Thank you sir, but I too have a wife, and six children."

"Then bring them as well," says the millionaire. "You're all coming to my mansion - the more the merrier."

"God bless you for your kind heart," says the first man."

"It's no trouble ...." says the millionaire. "My mower has broken. The grass in my garden must be three foot high".
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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website