You're off the hook.
There I was thinking you'd have to sing the theme to The Good, The Bad and the Ugly whilst reading this but nope - feel free to consume in absolute silence (with a mildly disappointed tut when you get to today's punchline).
You see I was fairly sure I'd be walking like John Wayne this morning having hit the bike hard at the weekend. The result? A 40 mile New Forest jaunt interrupted only by two pubs (granted I visited one twice so technically it should be three - however it didn't seem as impressive when I wrote down three so I've changed it back to 2. Even the Tour De France wouldn't sound quite as good if it was revealed they all stopped off at every Little Chef or, I suppose, Petite Chef along the way).
Pub count for the weekend increases to 4 if I count the Happy Cheese in Ashurst. Ended up there on Saturday when I dragged my parents out for a walk when they visited from Dorchester at the weekend. Saying that I think it was more a case of them dragging me out for a walk but it was a beautiful day and - not wanting to sound soppy - as I get older I definately enjoying hanging out with them more. Have decided that - and this will come as a blow for any teenagers reading - parents are actually quite cool.
Cooked for them in my new kitchen. All seemed to go down well and they even handed over an Easter Egg from Simon (eldest brother) that they'd been holding hostage until I had invited them over. Haven't checked the Use by Date and have a slight suspicion that may be the reason it is still intact but the thought was all there.
As was, more surprisingly, the chocolate.
So here's the joke ...
Three men were waiting expectantly outside the labour ward of the city hospital. After a few minutes, a nurse came out to tell the first man....
"Congratulations! you are the father of twins ..."
"Twins!" he exclaimed " how about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man...
"Congratulations! You are the father of triplets."
"Triplets! what an amazing coincidence! I work for the 3M organisation!"
The third man stood up ashen-faced and muttered:
"I need some air. I work for 7 - up!!!"
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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website