Operation Big Hands

For the past week or so if you'd been really observant you might have noticed a lot of hushed conversations in corridors and studios throughout the building.

The week before last Little Graham (engineer) let slip that Big Malc (slightly larger engineer) was hitting a big-0 this weekend. Now ask anyone who works at a radio station and they'll tell you that the only thing keeping everyone going (apart from the coffee) are the engineers.

At BBC Radio Solent we love ours - they are the most patient, forgiving, hard working people I know. These are people who can still raise a smile whilst explaining for the 8th time exactly why it was you'd succeeded on switching off the transmitter. These are the people who will replace faders without resorting to physical violence when another cup of coffee is spilled. These are the people who keep the station air with only a piece of string, a bit of sticky tape and a lot of know how.

So there we were - all hiding downstairs with our fake Malcolm beards stuck on with sellotape. Everyone had brought in a bowl or a dish of something and even Producer Lewis and Big Col (IT guru) had a go a providing birthday cakes.

Drivetime's Julie Massiter was given the task of, for want of a better phrase, lying to Big Malc to get him downstairs where we all jumped out.

The look on his face was priceless.

Of course he'll never trust us again but it was worth it. Happy Birthday Malc.

You don't look 60.

So here's the joke ...

After England are drawn to play Scotland (or any other team) in the Euro 2000 play offs, manager Kevin Keegan and the team are chatting in the dressing room before the match.

"Look guys, I know they're rubbish" says Keegan "but we have to play them to keep UEFA happy."

"Tell you what" says Michael Owen. "You guys go down the pub and I'll play Scotland on my own."

So Keegan and the rest of the team go off to the pub for a drink. Later, Keegan turns on the telly and sees the score is 1 nil to England. Happy, he returns to his pint and a game of darts. When the team return to the hotel later, Keegan is horrified to see the final score was 1-1.

The team all run back to the dressing room...

"What went wrong?" says Keegan ...

"I got sent off in the 11th minute."

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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website