Itchy & scratchy

One of the benefits of this job is that, usually, no-one can see you.

Despite that the team are remarkably well turned out - normally shirts and even sometimes the odd tie. However I'm currently taking full advantage of the wireless as am sporting a beard that to be quite frank Grizzly Adams would be proud of. It's a monster.

I've gone past the stage where shaving it off would be enjoyable. In fact now I think it would be positively painful. Granted it's been a while since I've been completely clean shaven - there is usually a little bit there to keep my chin warm - but I've let it go and it's got to the stage when it's starting to get annoying.

Can't exactly tell you why or how it happened. I'm blaming the earlier starts and not enough time in the mornings to find the shears and trim it back.

However it is proving to be a useful too for a bit of ham acting. Now when I'm talking to someone and I need to look semi-intelligent and like I'm thinking I slowly rub it whilst nodding my head. Works a treat! Every bit the wise sage.

Hmmmmm .... (rubs beard, nods, looks clever .... and a bit like Captain Birdseye - other fictitious bearded men are available)

So here's the joke ...

During a performance of a school nativity play at the local theatre a large crack appears in the middle of the performance area. As the evening progresses the crack becomes bigger and bigger until it finally develops into a hole. Everyone else manages to avoid it but when young Johnny steps forward as one of the Wisemen - he plunges straight through the hole ...

The audience gasps - but Johnny's father stands up and says .....

"Don't worry, it's just a stage he's going through."
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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website