Logging on

I do love my log fires.

Not entirely sure whether I'm saving the world or sending us all to an early grave by burning down bits of tree but it's one of my little treats in life. Log fire. Bottle of plonk. Heaven.

So when the clocks change and it all starts warming up a bit I can't help but be slightly disappointed that the open fire season is over. At what point in the year officially does it become too warm to have a log fire? I think it's the smokey smell I like - and the fact that you can just sit and watch the flames for hours without having to think about too much. It's probably a man thing too - all real men take control of bonfires, bbq's and log fires given the chance.

Man + stick + fire = evolution

Roll on the winter.

So here's the joke ...

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a posh suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and Yves Saint Laurent tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The man parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a mobile phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130 page report on his miniaturised printer then turns to the shepherd and says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct, but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know anything about my business .... Now give me back my dog."
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Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website