Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Free swim (I wish it was)

Went to the gym last night - first time in ages.

I am what's known in fitness circles as pure profit. The money keeps coming - the member doesn't.

Anyhow was feeling sufficiently guilty about the outgoing on my bank statement - so a swim it was. Had a quick practice run through with my combination padlock (there was a previous unfortunate incident where I put my stuff in the locker and shut it only to realise I'd completely forgotton the combination.) Luckily though last night after a couple of turns it all came back to me and so off I went.

Couple of things of note. Firstly I found myself still rolling things up in my towel in exactly the same fashion as when I was 7.

Secondly, why does the smell and taste of chlorine give me an instant craving for cheese and onion crisps?

Am slightly disappointed the gym doesn't have one of those little foot pools you walk through full of old corn plasters and disinfectant so strong it can strip paint off a door. And no sign either of the notice informing patrons there'll be no ducking, diving, running or petting.

But why would anyone bring their rabbit swimming with them anyway?

So here's the joke ...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"

The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"

The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realises there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whisky.

After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?"

Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?"

"You've left your injun running ...."
_ _ _ _ _
Jon Cuthill is a presenter on BBC Radio Solent. You can listen to him every weekday from 9am-12.30pm, or listen again online at his website

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